I haven't written about this much, but I figure it's fitting.
At the end of last april, I had a bad bike wreck that forced me to leave Wesleyan for the semester. Like, 'falling off the bike face first at 45 mph coming downhill resulting in multiple broken bones in my face and 4 broken teeth and still have more surgeries a year after' bad. I was off the bike till september, aside from a few stints on the trainer and a couple of late evening easy spins outside. I managed to finish all but one of my classes, and actually raised my grade point average. I had a lot of time on my hands with no riding to do.
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if that wouldn't have happened, and sometimes I've wondered if it would have been better off/or worse. Then I realized that it just 'is'. That being said, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone else.
I learned a lot about myself in those months and continue to do so, I think I'm much more dedicated in all avenues of my life since then. I remember watching the olympics and tearing up every.single.time. that commercial came up that featured the African runner who got cramps in an event and had to limp to the finish. His father came out of the stands and helped him cross.
With all that out of the way, here's to the quotes.
There are a few that I've found just hit me in the past year;
1) Here we are, (Mr.Pilgrim), trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.
For a few moments, there was inevitably a time when I wondered 'Why me', only to realize that you're dealt a hand and you can either play it well or play it poorly. I tried pretty hard to make the most of the hand that I was dealt. I'm still trying to do that.
We often waste time wondering about the what if's and the what if nots, and questioning our decision making. While questioning yourself is generally a good thing, delving too much into the 'why' of times past can sometimes hinder the process of moving forward. At certain times, we shouldn't wonder why we're placed in the position we're in, we just need to make the most of it or risk losing out.
I've been trying hard.
2) So it goes.
Someone pointed out that Vonnegut uses this phrase to talk about death as a play on the human minds inability to comprehend mass numbers. We know what a thousand is, but when we hear that a thousand people died, we can't process the number. Statistics aren't natural, I suppose.
At the risk of sounding naive, I think he also intended readers to think about the fact that things sometimes just happen and you can't really control everything.
3) We will never be here again.
If you know about Svein Tuft, you know about his unorthodox rise to the pro ranks. This phrase is something he has tattoo'ed on his arm.
I believe in moments, and making the most of the ones you have so you don't regret anything. At the end of the day, if you can tell yourself that you did everything you could, then you'll sleep a little easier. I do anyway.
I think about this everytime I race. As I'm dying dying dying in a race, I think of the fact that I'm in a moment I chose to be in (and paid for!) so I should be making the most of it. I don't gain anything by giving up so I might as well do everything I can and give it more than I've got.
I suppose this doesn't stand if I feel I have no chance. I'll sit up in a race if I have a position that's not worth fighting for. Then again, I think I'm going to stop doing this if I'm not endangering myself or others because learning to move up when the pace is tough will team me a lot. I owe that to myself.
That's all I've got for today.
Racing - 2017 Nutmeg State Games, June 4, 2017, M50+
7 months ago